by Zorka Hereford
Whether we like it or not, adversity is part of life. Overcoming adversity is one of the biggest hurdles we face. As Havelock Ellis wrote, "Pain and death are part of life. To reject them is to reject life itself."
Problems, large and small, present themselves to us throughout our whole existence. Regardless of how sharp, clever, or happy-go-lucky we are, we will encounter struggle, challenges, difficulties and at times, heart wrenching moments.
Is this meant to be a negative, cynical assessment of what we have to look forward to? Not at all! In fact, thank goodness for adversity! Learning to deal with, and overcoming adversity, is what makes us who we are.
Every challenge, every difficulty we successfully confront in life serves to strengthen our will, confidence and ability to conquer future obstacles. Herodotus, the Greek philosopher, said, "Adversity has the effect of drawing out strength and qualities of a man that would have lain dormant in its absence."
When you respond positively and constructively to your biggest challenges, the qualities of strength, courage, character and perseverance emerge from deep inside of you.
Of course, since we are human, it is very easy to get caught up in the self pity, unfairness of life, or 'why me?' trap. When we do, we fail to recognize the opportunities for wisdom and growth that accompany adversity. However, as soon we allow ourselves to think more clearly, we are able to let go of self-defeating and unproductive thoughts and get down to the business of dealing with what's before us.
Tips For Overcoming Adversity
1. Be aware of, and accept that adversity is inevitable in life.
As has already been pointed out, adversity is part of life. To avoid or resist it will only make it persist. Everywhere you look in the world there is unmistakable struggle. There are floods, tsunamis, wars, and calamities of all types. Even within your own circle of family and friends there is death, loss and tragedy. Although pain is inevitable, suffering is optional. So what do you do?
2. Build your internal resources. Before adversity hits, work on cultivating emotional strength, courage and discipline. When you make yourself aware that certain difficulties are inevitable, you can prepare yourself mentally for confronting adversity head-on. It would be no different than a warrior going to battle. He (or she) prepares himself physically and mentally for any possibility. He knows it could be ugly, daunting, and grueling, but he is equipped. More often than not, when you're prepared for the worst, the worst never happens, or it's much less severe than anticipated. Another invaluable inner resource is faith. Faith that everything will work out; faith that there is always light at the end of the tunnel, and faith that "this too shall pass." Everything in life has its place and purpose.
3. Build your external resources. Build a support system of family and friends. When the going gets tough, we all need encouragement and support. We need someone to talk to; someone to help ease the burden. You would be surprised to discover how often a friend has had a similar experience and can help guide you through the difficult time. Even just knowing a friend is there when you need them can be most comforting.
4. That which does not kill you doesn't always make you stronger. Sorry Nietzsche! While I agree with Nietzsche, in principle, that what does not kill you will make you stronger, I do not necessarily agree with him in practice. For instance, if you do not have enough built-up resilience or experience in dealing with difficulty, adversity can crush you. On the other hand, if do you have sufficient resilience, then indeed it will make you stronger. How so, you ask? Resilience like any muscle is built up gradually and exponentially with repeated exposure to obstacles. If you lack practice in confronting obstacles (as when you choose to avoid them), one traumatic event can take you down. To underscore this point, developmental research has shown that traumatized children are more, rather than less, likely to be traumatized again. Likewise, those who grow up in tough neighborhoods become weaker, not stronger, and are more likely to struggle in life.
5. Take inspiration and learn from others who have dealt successfully with adversity. There are many inspiring stories of people who overcame seemingly insurmountable odds. They triumphed over their adversities to live successful, productive lives instead of surrendering to it.
Adversity Points to Consider
*The difficult times in life help us appreciate when things are going smoothly.
*Look for the learning opportunities in every adverse situation.
*Decide whether you will allow your experience to make, or break you. Depending upon how you choose to perceive it, it could go either way.
*Be prepared to accept the worst, should it occur. When you have prepared yourself mentally for the worst, it rarely ever happens, and if it does, it seems less so because you are better equipped to handle it.
*Cultivate faith, courage and resilience. The more of these qualities you arm yourself with, the lesser the impact of the adversity.
*Remind yourself that adversity is part of life. To Accept adversity, helps you overcome it.
Overcoming adversity is one of our main challenges in life. When we resolve to confront and overcome it, we become expert at dealing with it and consequently triumph over our day-to-day struggles.
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
When You Love Yourself, You Let Others Off the Hook
By: Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
Frequently, when I start to work with a new client, they believe that loving their self is selfish. Nothing could be further from the truth. A more accurate definition of selfish is expecting others to give themselves up and do for you what you can and need to be doing for yourself.
Letting Others Off The Hook
How are others let off the hook when you love yourself? Let us count the ways:
• Others don’t need to read your mind when you are meeting many of your own needs, and asking outright when there is something you need help with.
• Others don’t need to hold back, be careful, or walk on eggshells when you are taking care of your own feelings.
• Others can receive great joy in giving to you when they don’t feel obligated.
• Others can speak their truth when they know that you are open to learning and wanting to grow. They can be honest when they know that you will deal with your own feelings rather than blame them.
• Others are free to take loving care of themselves when they know you are doing the same, and that you support them in their highest good as part of being loving to yourself.
• Others can be spontaneous with you, knowing that if they ‘make a mistake’ you will take responsibility for your own feelings about it.
• Others feel free to be with you because they want to, not because they feel they have to.
• In a primary relationship, your partner will likely feel attracted to you when you are coming from your power rather than from your fear. If your partner feels obligated to have sex with you because you have made him or her responsible for your happiness and sense of worth, your partner is likely to feel resistant to sex with you.
• Laughter, fun and play flow spontaneously when neither person feels responsible for the other’s feelings, or feels obligated to spend time, give approval or have sex.
• Each person feels free to pursue their passion and purpose, knowing that their partner is taking care of themselves and not waiting for the other person to make them happy.
Loving partnerships are about learning, growing, and sharing love and companionship. They are not about taking responsibility for making the other person feel happy, safe, secure or validated.
Paradoxically, when you fully take on the responsibility of making yourself feel happy, safe, secure and validated, a loving relationship supports and enhances these wonderful feelings. But when you expect your partner to do this for you, then your self-abandonment creates your misery, insecurity and lack of self-worth.
As long as you are abandoning yourself and expecting your partner to do for you what only you can do for yourself, your partner’s love will never be enough to give you the happiness, safety, security and sense of worth that you seek.
Loving Yourself Means
• Attending, moment-by-moment, to your own feelings, so that you know immediately when you are abandoning yourself with self-judgment, addictions, staying in your head, or making someone else responsible for you.
• Compassionately opening to learning about your own fears and beliefs that may be causing your self-abandonment, and open to learning about what it means to be present and loving to yourself in the face of life’s challenges.
• Exploring your limiting beliefs and resulting behavior that may be causing your painful feelings.
• Opening to your higher self for information about the truth regarding your beliefs, and the loving action toward yourself.
• Taking loving action in your own behalf, based on truth rather than on false, limiting beliefs.
• Evaluating how you feel as a result of taking loving care of yourself. This is a brief outline of the Six Steps of Inner Bonding, which is a powerful process for learning how to love yourself!
Frequently, when I start to work with a new client, they believe that loving their self is selfish. Nothing could be further from the truth. A more accurate definition of selfish is expecting others to give themselves up and do for you what you can and need to be doing for yourself.
Letting Others Off The Hook
How are others let off the hook when you love yourself? Let us count the ways:
• Others don’t need to read your mind when you are meeting many of your own needs, and asking outright when there is something you need help with.
• Others don’t need to hold back, be careful, or walk on eggshells when you are taking care of your own feelings.
• Others can receive great joy in giving to you when they don’t feel obligated.
• Others can speak their truth when they know that you are open to learning and wanting to grow. They can be honest when they know that you will deal with your own feelings rather than blame them.
• Others are free to take loving care of themselves when they know you are doing the same, and that you support them in their highest good as part of being loving to yourself.
• Others can be spontaneous with you, knowing that if they ‘make a mistake’ you will take responsibility for your own feelings about it.
• Others feel free to be with you because they want to, not because they feel they have to.
• In a primary relationship, your partner will likely feel attracted to you when you are coming from your power rather than from your fear. If your partner feels obligated to have sex with you because you have made him or her responsible for your happiness and sense of worth, your partner is likely to feel resistant to sex with you.
• Laughter, fun and play flow spontaneously when neither person feels responsible for the other’s feelings, or feels obligated to spend time, give approval or have sex.
• Each person feels free to pursue their passion and purpose, knowing that their partner is taking care of themselves and not waiting for the other person to make them happy.
Loving partnerships are about learning, growing, and sharing love and companionship. They are not about taking responsibility for making the other person feel happy, safe, secure or validated.
Paradoxically, when you fully take on the responsibility of making yourself feel happy, safe, secure and validated, a loving relationship supports and enhances these wonderful feelings. But when you expect your partner to do this for you, then your self-abandonment creates your misery, insecurity and lack of self-worth.
As long as you are abandoning yourself and expecting your partner to do for you what only you can do for yourself, your partner’s love will never be enough to give you the happiness, safety, security and sense of worth that you seek.
Loving Yourself Means
• Attending, moment-by-moment, to your own feelings, so that you know immediately when you are abandoning yourself with self-judgment, addictions, staying in your head, or making someone else responsible for you.
• Compassionately opening to learning about your own fears and beliefs that may be causing your self-abandonment, and open to learning about what it means to be present and loving to yourself in the face of life’s challenges.
• Exploring your limiting beliefs and resulting behavior that may be causing your painful feelings.
• Opening to your higher self for information about the truth regarding your beliefs, and the loving action toward yourself.
• Taking loving action in your own behalf, based on truth rather than on false, limiting beliefs.
• Evaluating how you feel as a result of taking loving care of yourself. This is a brief outline of the Six Steps of Inner Bonding, which is a powerful process for learning how to love yourself!
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
Detachment
by Karen Casey
To begin with, I think we have to cultivate our willingness to let go, that is, to detach from the trials and tribulations of our contemporaries if we want to find the quiet peace we long for, a peace that will allow us to truly love, to truly embrace, and to appreciate those who journey with us.
In this process, we also give those companions the freedom to grow and to find their own way, thus their own eventual peace too. I don’t think we can come together as loving equals without embracing the willingness to detach.
We live very codependent lives, from my perspective. By this I mean that too many of us let even the whims of others - our families, our communities, our workplaces, even in other parts of the world - define us, determine how we feel, and then decide what we will do next in many instances.
Learning to detach allows us to live the life we were meant to live. By allowing other people’s behavior, good, bad, or disinterested, control us, we miss many opportunities for movement and expression in new directions.
The converse is also true: if we attempt to control the other persons on our path, wherever they may reside, keeping them attached to us through any means (and most of us are very practiced at this), we immobilize them, thus preventing the growth they deserve and have been prepared for already.
Often times we don’t want to detach because we are attached - preoccupied with others as distractions so we don’t have to face ourselves - deal with our own internal issues. We escape from ourselves by focusing on others, not realizing we lose control over our own lives and can’t control the lives of who we focus on.
Detachment isn’t easy. If it were, there would be no need for a book offering to help you develop the skills to do it. And it may not have appeared on your radar screen as something you wanted to cultivate prior to picking up this book.
As was already noted, we are accustomed to being enmeshed with others, letting our lives be constantly influenced by their behavior. I am not suggesting that this influence is always bad; there are good influences too, probably everyday.
We can and do observe healthy “detached” behavior in some of our friends, and perhaps they showed up on our path to serve as our teachers. It’s not always easy to discern the “good” from the “bad,” however. It’s my intent for the meditations here to illustrate those behaviors we want to mimic and those we don’t.
It is my hope that my book, ‘Let Go Now: Embracing Detachment’, will clarify many of your questions about detachment: what it is, how to do it, and how to practice it with others. It’s also my hope that you will give yourself all the time you need to fully absorb the concepts and to develop the skills as outlined.
I didn’t come to appreciate the value of detachment easily, and the idea of embracing it came even later. But the peaceful tenor of my journey today is surely the result of my commitment to practicing and “embracing” detachment at every opportunity.
I believe that every moment of our lives is offering us just such an opportunity. And wherever we are, others are on hand to observe, to reap the benefit of our “practice,” and to carry what they have seen into their own lives.
Pause and Reflect
*Let go of the opinions of others.
*Let go of the effect of your behavior on others.
*Let go of the outcome of your actions and the many situations concerning you and your loved ones.
Take a moment every morning to envision yourself as a self-directed person. Being self-directed does not mean being selfish, nor does it mean ignoring others. Detachment is practiced moment by moment.
It has not been my experience to perfect detachment after only one try. For me, detachment has been similar to seeking God’s will: I have needed to do it every day, many times a day. It’s akin to practicing any new exercise.
It’s not mysterious, really; it just feels unnatural at first. We are inclined to interfere in the business of others, but detachment closes that door. It follows on the heels of a decision, and one that empowers us a tiny bit more every time we make it.
We must be willing to make it, however. If we want to change how life feels, we have to be willing to change an aspect of our behavior because if we continue to do what we have always done, we will most likely continue to experience what we have always
experienced.
Detaching from those people who get under our skin, or from those situations we feel compelled to try to control, is committing to a specific change in behavior. But how do we do it? That’s the niggling question for most of us. But I have some reasonable suggestions.
We detach in steps. The first step is to observe but say nothing. The second step is to say a quiet prayer and then avert our eyes, placing our mind with God and some details of our own life. The third step is to get busy, to move on, and to thank God for giving us the willingness to let others do what they need to do.
All these steps will need repeated practice; at least I have found that to be the case. But each time I have walked myself through them, I have felt empowered and hopeful, and that has made me willing to take the walk the next time too.
One moment at a time is how we live. So it makes sense that we can only detach one moment at a time too. What’s stopping you from trying?
Accountability, ours and others’, is the hallmark of detachment.Letting others be accountable for themselves means we are relinquishing our need to assume responsibility for those actions and situations that clearly are not ours to manage.
The attraction to be overly responsible is so great, however, and what makes it even greater is our lack of trust in any outcome we aren’t part of.Our fear about our future seduces us into thinking that if we could only ensnare our partners in our own very special web, taking responsibility for their lives along with our own, we’d be secure.
But, as I’ve said, we cannot be even moderately responsible and attentive to our own very specific work if we are focusing on the work someone else is here to do. We can work in tandem with others, and in many instances should, but crossing the boundary between us that needs to be honored will eventually imprison us.
Learning how to be accountable is like learning any trait. Most of us aren’t born with a natural inclination for it, but modeling the behavior of those people among us who seem to be peaceful might be one way to learn it.
What we will see, with careful observation, is that letting others be wholly responsible and accountable for themselves appears to make folks feel good. Deciding we want to feel good is one of the most sensible reasons for adopting this practice.
Being accountable builds self-worth. It helps others to be able to trust us. Letting the people around us become accountable is one of the best gifts we can give them. Our doing for others what needs to be done by them will stunt their growth. Let’s not be guilty of that.
Detachment is the way to cultivate peace, one moment at a time.
I claim I want to be peaceful all the time, yet I generally spend some hours every day in a space that’s not particularly peaceful. And it’s always for the same reason: I have placed my attention where it doesn’t belong, on situations that don’t really concern me.
I am drawn like a moth to a flame when my loved ones (sometimes even strangers) are fussing over matters that trouble them. I read the signs and assume I am needed to resolve their problem. Sound familiar?
Turning away seems impossible if the person being affected is someone truly significant to me. But that’s the very time I most need to do so. My primary role in anyone’s life is to witness what their experience is, to offer suggestions only when they are sought, and to pray that all will be well and that the lesson they need is forthcoming.
Each time I can practice any one of these responses, I will discover peace. And as the waves of peace wash over me, I will know, for certain, that I am fulfilling God’s will in that moment.
Peace, however it visits us, feels so good. Wanting to capture it for longer spells is natural, and knowing that we can do so, by making the decision to observe and then turn away from situations that are not ours to resolve, makes the peaceful wave more than a wish. It can become our reality.
To cultivate peace requires us to make some decisions. We need to give up our need to manage anyone else’s life. We decide, instead, to address only those situations that are obviously ours, and then we pray for the willingness to do both.
Those who are hardest to detach from are our best teachers.
I don’t need to remind you that we are serving as teachers and students, interchangeably, all the time. But when we are in the midst of a conflict with someone over how a situation should be managed, we so easily forget those things that have given us strength and peace in the past.
A conflict always means that a teaching and learning opportunity is presenting itself. In most cases, both sides need to detach; both sides can learn as well as teach. And if detachment is explored by one side or the other, both people will gain some moments of peace.
It takes at least two to have a conflict, remember. It’s been my experience that the people I care most about are hardest to detach from. Perhaps I am too invested
emotionally to walk away when I should. But I have learned, with practice, that I can always remain quiet.
I can’t always avoid wanting to respond, wanting to continue the conflict; but I can back off, and that’s more than half the battle. Backing off, or averting our attention, may be the closest thing to peace when first attempted.
It seems our best teachers are no doubt the ones we love the most and also the ones who get under our skin most often. Some would say our meeting was not accidental; our lessons aren’t, either.
Turning a great teacher into our most loved and intimate friend is what this journey is all about, perhaps. That seems sensible to me, anyway. How about to you? Every day someone who crosses our path cries out to be controlled or argued with or judged. Consider them God-sent. They are our teachers, one and all.
Detaching from others is one of the most rewarding and revealing changes we can ever make.
The reason detachment is rewarding is that it gives us so much relief. It allows us to thoroughly relax our bodies and our minds. It makes us feel reborn. And it gives us extra time to play for a change, to plant flowers perhaps, or read books, reconnect with old or new friends, take up painting or weaving or birding. It’s amazing how much free time we have when we remove our attention from the many people and situations that shouldn’t have gotten our attention anyway.
But what does detachment reveal to us? Possibly that is an even more interesting consideration. What I have discovered is that detachment reveals we can live in concert with others, but we don’t have to be in charge of each other or beholden to each other or controlled by each others’ actions, opinions, wishes, or judgments.
Detachment has revealed to me that I am far stronger than I ever thought, more resilient, courageous, creative, independent, and focused.
My sense of self has soared since beginning the practice of detachment, and I know that I have no special powers. What has been true for me will certainly be true for anyone who applies the same effort I have applied.
I don’t want to suggest that making a change of any kind is simple. Committing to the practice of detachment is a big change for most of us. But making any change incrementally is a good beginning. This will work with detachment, one opportunity at a time.
To begin with, I think we have to cultivate our willingness to let go, that is, to detach from the trials and tribulations of our contemporaries if we want to find the quiet peace we long for, a peace that will allow us to truly love, to truly embrace, and to appreciate those who journey with us.
In this process, we also give those companions the freedom to grow and to find their own way, thus their own eventual peace too. I don’t think we can come together as loving equals without embracing the willingness to detach.
We live very codependent lives, from my perspective. By this I mean that too many of us let even the whims of others - our families, our communities, our workplaces, even in other parts of the world - define us, determine how we feel, and then decide what we will do next in many instances.
Learning to detach allows us to live the life we were meant to live. By allowing other people’s behavior, good, bad, or disinterested, control us, we miss many opportunities for movement and expression in new directions.
The converse is also true: if we attempt to control the other persons on our path, wherever they may reside, keeping them attached to us through any means (and most of us are very practiced at this), we immobilize them, thus preventing the growth they deserve and have been prepared for already.
Often times we don’t want to detach because we are attached - preoccupied with others as distractions so we don’t have to face ourselves - deal with our own internal issues. We escape from ourselves by focusing on others, not realizing we lose control over our own lives and can’t control the lives of who we focus on.
Detachment isn’t easy. If it were, there would be no need for a book offering to help you develop the skills to do it. And it may not have appeared on your radar screen as something you wanted to cultivate prior to picking up this book.
As was already noted, we are accustomed to being enmeshed with others, letting our lives be constantly influenced by their behavior. I am not suggesting that this influence is always bad; there are good influences too, probably everyday.
We can and do observe healthy “detached” behavior in some of our friends, and perhaps they showed up on our path to serve as our teachers. It’s not always easy to discern the “good” from the “bad,” however. It’s my intent for the meditations here to illustrate those behaviors we want to mimic and those we don’t.
It is my hope that my book, ‘Let Go Now: Embracing Detachment’, will clarify many of your questions about detachment: what it is, how to do it, and how to practice it with others. It’s also my hope that you will give yourself all the time you need to fully absorb the concepts and to develop the skills as outlined.
I didn’t come to appreciate the value of detachment easily, and the idea of embracing it came even later. But the peaceful tenor of my journey today is surely the result of my commitment to practicing and “embracing” detachment at every opportunity.
I believe that every moment of our lives is offering us just such an opportunity. And wherever we are, others are on hand to observe, to reap the benefit of our “practice,” and to carry what they have seen into their own lives.
Pause and Reflect
*Let go of the opinions of others.
*Let go of the effect of your behavior on others.
*Let go of the outcome of your actions and the many situations concerning you and your loved ones.
Take a moment every morning to envision yourself as a self-directed person. Being self-directed does not mean being selfish, nor does it mean ignoring others. Detachment is practiced moment by moment.
It has not been my experience to perfect detachment after only one try. For me, detachment has been similar to seeking God’s will: I have needed to do it every day, many times a day. It’s akin to practicing any new exercise.
It’s not mysterious, really; it just feels unnatural at first. We are inclined to interfere in the business of others, but detachment closes that door. It follows on the heels of a decision, and one that empowers us a tiny bit more every time we make it.
We must be willing to make it, however. If we want to change how life feels, we have to be willing to change an aspect of our behavior because if we continue to do what we have always done, we will most likely continue to experience what we have always
experienced.
Detaching from those people who get under our skin, or from those situations we feel compelled to try to control, is committing to a specific change in behavior. But how do we do it? That’s the niggling question for most of us. But I have some reasonable suggestions.
We detach in steps. The first step is to observe but say nothing. The second step is to say a quiet prayer and then avert our eyes, placing our mind with God and some details of our own life. The third step is to get busy, to move on, and to thank God for giving us the willingness to let others do what they need to do.
All these steps will need repeated practice; at least I have found that to be the case. But each time I have walked myself through them, I have felt empowered and hopeful, and that has made me willing to take the walk the next time too.
One moment at a time is how we live. So it makes sense that we can only detach one moment at a time too. What’s stopping you from trying?
Accountability, ours and others’, is the hallmark of detachment.Letting others be accountable for themselves means we are relinquishing our need to assume responsibility for those actions and situations that clearly are not ours to manage.
The attraction to be overly responsible is so great, however, and what makes it even greater is our lack of trust in any outcome we aren’t part of.Our fear about our future seduces us into thinking that if we could only ensnare our partners in our own very special web, taking responsibility for their lives along with our own, we’d be secure.
But, as I’ve said, we cannot be even moderately responsible and attentive to our own very specific work if we are focusing on the work someone else is here to do. We can work in tandem with others, and in many instances should, but crossing the boundary between us that needs to be honored will eventually imprison us.
Learning how to be accountable is like learning any trait. Most of us aren’t born with a natural inclination for it, but modeling the behavior of those people among us who seem to be peaceful might be one way to learn it.
What we will see, with careful observation, is that letting others be wholly responsible and accountable for themselves appears to make folks feel good. Deciding we want to feel good is one of the most sensible reasons for adopting this practice.
Being accountable builds self-worth. It helps others to be able to trust us. Letting the people around us become accountable is one of the best gifts we can give them. Our doing for others what needs to be done by them will stunt their growth. Let’s not be guilty of that.
Detachment is the way to cultivate peace, one moment at a time.
I claim I want to be peaceful all the time, yet I generally spend some hours every day in a space that’s not particularly peaceful. And it’s always for the same reason: I have placed my attention where it doesn’t belong, on situations that don’t really concern me.
I am drawn like a moth to a flame when my loved ones (sometimes even strangers) are fussing over matters that trouble them. I read the signs and assume I am needed to resolve their problem. Sound familiar?
Turning away seems impossible if the person being affected is someone truly significant to me. But that’s the very time I most need to do so. My primary role in anyone’s life is to witness what their experience is, to offer suggestions only when they are sought, and to pray that all will be well and that the lesson they need is forthcoming.
Each time I can practice any one of these responses, I will discover peace. And as the waves of peace wash over me, I will know, for certain, that I am fulfilling God’s will in that moment.
Peace, however it visits us, feels so good. Wanting to capture it for longer spells is natural, and knowing that we can do so, by making the decision to observe and then turn away from situations that are not ours to resolve, makes the peaceful wave more than a wish. It can become our reality.
To cultivate peace requires us to make some decisions. We need to give up our need to manage anyone else’s life. We decide, instead, to address only those situations that are obviously ours, and then we pray for the willingness to do both.
Those who are hardest to detach from are our best teachers.
I don’t need to remind you that we are serving as teachers and students, interchangeably, all the time. But when we are in the midst of a conflict with someone over how a situation should be managed, we so easily forget those things that have given us strength and peace in the past.
A conflict always means that a teaching and learning opportunity is presenting itself. In most cases, both sides need to detach; both sides can learn as well as teach. And if detachment is explored by one side or the other, both people will gain some moments of peace.
It takes at least two to have a conflict, remember. It’s been my experience that the people I care most about are hardest to detach from. Perhaps I am too invested
emotionally to walk away when I should. But I have learned, with practice, that I can always remain quiet.
I can’t always avoid wanting to respond, wanting to continue the conflict; but I can back off, and that’s more than half the battle. Backing off, or averting our attention, may be the closest thing to peace when first attempted.
It seems our best teachers are no doubt the ones we love the most and also the ones who get under our skin most often. Some would say our meeting was not accidental; our lessons aren’t, either.
Turning a great teacher into our most loved and intimate friend is what this journey is all about, perhaps. That seems sensible to me, anyway. How about to you? Every day someone who crosses our path cries out to be controlled or argued with or judged. Consider them God-sent. They are our teachers, one and all.
Detaching from others is one of the most rewarding and revealing changes we can ever make.
The reason detachment is rewarding is that it gives us so much relief. It allows us to thoroughly relax our bodies and our minds. It makes us feel reborn. And it gives us extra time to play for a change, to plant flowers perhaps, or read books, reconnect with old or new friends, take up painting or weaving or birding. It’s amazing how much free time we have when we remove our attention from the many people and situations that shouldn’t have gotten our attention anyway.
But what does detachment reveal to us? Possibly that is an even more interesting consideration. What I have discovered is that detachment reveals we can live in concert with others, but we don’t have to be in charge of each other or beholden to each other or controlled by each others’ actions, opinions, wishes, or judgments.
Detachment has revealed to me that I am far stronger than I ever thought, more resilient, courageous, creative, independent, and focused.
My sense of self has soared since beginning the practice of detachment, and I know that I have no special powers. What has been true for me will certainly be true for anyone who applies the same effort I have applied.
I don’t want to suggest that making a change of any kind is simple. Committing to the practice of detachment is a big change for most of us. But making any change incrementally is a good beginning. This will work with detachment, one opportunity at a time.
Friday, May 20, 2011
Weight Loss Starts in the Head
by Kim Beardsmore
Are you a 'look-and-lose' dieter? Have you studied every diet ever created, read a zillion diet books, and yet are still unhappy with your weight? Has your quest for the holy grail of dieting become a substitute for actually making changes required to take the ill health out of your current diet? If so, you may not realize your thoughts are key to your happiness and success.
Do you look at yourself and say, "I'm fat", or "My hips are too big"? Many of us look in the mirror and immediately compare ourselves to those 'perfect' human specimens we see every single day on TV, in magazines and in the newspapers.
Often we talk to ourselves and make excuses, "It's my genes", "I'm much too busy to get fit", "I like myself like this", as a way of protecting yourself from the way we see ourselves now and the way we want to be. If we were to be truly honest with ourselves most people actually want to lose a few pounds - if we only knew how.
The good news is you CAN achieve your desired body shape with the right thinking about yourself, an understanding of how to get optimal nutrition, healthy eating habits and how to incorporate activity into your lifestyle to keep your muscles toned.
But most important of all, you need a regular mental workout to keep your self-image in shape. Self-image is closely connected to the success or failure of any goal you choose to seek after, but none more so that the goal to get yourself fit and healthy.
So how do you go about strengthening your self-image? Well fortunately your self-image, just like your muscles, will respond well to a regular work out. You can actually strengthen your self-image with a few daily exercises.
Exercise One - Self Examination
Start by compiling a list of all those negative thoughts your have about yourself ... I'm undisciplined, I can't manage my time, I let people down, I can't succeed, I don't exercise enough. You will need to decide before you start this process that you won't get discouraged ... these are things that you will admit to yourself but they most certainly don't have to control your life.
Next, compile a second list including everything you LIKE about yourself. Keep going until this list is LONGER than the first list you compiled. You might include things such as, I am a good cook, I can make people laugh, I contribute to the soccer club, my daughter loves the way I decorate her room.
Then, take your 'negatives' list and turn it into your 'potentials' list. You do this by creating a positive self-image to every 'negative' you listed. Instead of "I can't succeed", write a counter belief, "I will succeed".
Ceremonially throw out the 'negatives' list - you are saying goodbye forever! Burn them, trash them, destroy them....they are no longer going to be a part of your thinking about yourself.
Now, keep your list of potentials in a prominent place. On your refrigerator door, in your daily journal, or in a picture frame on your desk. Make sure you have them in front on your every single day so that you are reading them constantly and reprogramming your daily thoughts.
Exercise Two: You Can Be What You Want to Be
Now that you have your list of potentials... run your own visualization stories so that you can 'see' yourself in a new light. For example, if your list of potential includes "I eat just the right portions", visualize yourself with a moderate portion on your plate, and feeling completely satisfied at the conclusion of your meal.
Read through your list of potentials every day taking a few moments of personal quiet time to reflect strongly on your visualizations. Try starting your day first thing in the morning and finishing as the last thing at night with visualizing yourself being the person on your list, and doing the things you want to do.
Exercise Three: Keep a Journal of Your Daily Successes
Keep a record of all the positive changes in thoughts you have about yourself. We all have triumphs and 'failures'. You must record and remind yourself of the positive changes because our human nature will replay the negatives - sometimes blowing them out of proportion. It's important to nurture and celebrate the small steps you make every day.
Exercise Four: Go Easy On Yourself - You Are Work In Progress
Don't listen to the criticism...not your own nor that of others! Remember you are the designer of your self-esteem, do not hand this over to other people. You are way too important to give this away.
Protect your role as creator of your own self-image and do not, take on board negative criticisms. We all make mistakes, and mistakes can be used to help us learn. Do not criticize yourself for being human and making a mistake. The only last mistake in the one from which we never learn to grow.
Exercise Five: Forget About The Past
The only moment you can live is the current one. You can't live in the future and you most certainly shouldn't live in the past....the challenge is to take charge of our thinking so that we think in the same time zone in which we live!
For example we may be tempted to think about yesterday's failures..."If only I hadn't eaten second helpings", "If only I didn't reach for the chocolate cookies". If we concentrate on the mistakes of yesterday this will our brains to replay our failures and reinforce them to us.
Yesterday is over, today is where you live....make sure that today you do NOT replay yesterday's failures and make your resolve to change TODAY.
Exercise Six: Resolve to Change Today
Just as you shouldn't live in the past, you can't live in the future. You can only live or change today. The oldest cliché in the world is perhaps one of the greatest truisms of all ... 'tomorrow NEVER comes!
There is no better time than now. So, no matter what excuses you may have to wait to take those healthy steps you know you should take, none of them are valid. Do it now, do it today. Resolve to make a different in your own life before you go to sleep tonight.
Exercise Seven: Write a Plan For your Life
This is your success plan. If you have not already done so it is time for you to create direction and purpose in your plans for yourself. Review your list of potentials and record next to each potential when you want to achieve this by.
Exercise Eight: Carry Affirmation Cards About Yourself
This is one of the fastest tools for your success. You are what you think. Strengthen your self-image every day by reviewing your thoughts. One of the easiest ways to do this is to carry affirmation cards in your wallet and review regularly.
Affirmation cards are short bursts of words in business card that prompt and remind your self-image of your intentions. An example might be:
*I can achieve anything that I put my mind to.
*I will be satisfied with single helpings.
Exercise Nine: Change Your Eating Habits
Now that you have set the groundwork in place, you are now ready to change your physical habits. You are ready to add a balanced nutritious diet, healthy eating habits, regular exercise and relaxation.
By using these nine exercises daily to change your thinking habits, you will be strengthening your self esteem and unlocking your internal power to make a change in your life. Before you can change lifelong eating habits, you must first change life long thinking habits. We are what we think. We can't be something other than what we believe we can be!
So, do yourself a favor, liberate your self-image and then, see how much more effective your healthy living plan becomes!
Are you a 'look-and-lose' dieter? Have you studied every diet ever created, read a zillion diet books, and yet are still unhappy with your weight? Has your quest for the holy grail of dieting become a substitute for actually making changes required to take the ill health out of your current diet? If so, you may not realize your thoughts are key to your happiness and success.
Do you look at yourself and say, "I'm fat", or "My hips are too big"? Many of us look in the mirror and immediately compare ourselves to those 'perfect' human specimens we see every single day on TV, in magazines and in the newspapers.
Often we talk to ourselves and make excuses, "It's my genes", "I'm much too busy to get fit", "I like myself like this", as a way of protecting yourself from the way we see ourselves now and the way we want to be. If we were to be truly honest with ourselves most people actually want to lose a few pounds - if we only knew how.
The good news is you CAN achieve your desired body shape with the right thinking about yourself, an understanding of how to get optimal nutrition, healthy eating habits and how to incorporate activity into your lifestyle to keep your muscles toned.
But most important of all, you need a regular mental workout to keep your self-image in shape. Self-image is closely connected to the success or failure of any goal you choose to seek after, but none more so that the goal to get yourself fit and healthy.
So how do you go about strengthening your self-image? Well fortunately your self-image, just like your muscles, will respond well to a regular work out. You can actually strengthen your self-image with a few daily exercises.
Exercise One - Self Examination
Start by compiling a list of all those negative thoughts your have about yourself ... I'm undisciplined, I can't manage my time, I let people down, I can't succeed, I don't exercise enough. You will need to decide before you start this process that you won't get discouraged ... these are things that you will admit to yourself but they most certainly don't have to control your life.
Next, compile a second list including everything you LIKE about yourself. Keep going until this list is LONGER than the first list you compiled. You might include things such as, I am a good cook, I can make people laugh, I contribute to the soccer club, my daughter loves the way I decorate her room.
Then, take your 'negatives' list and turn it into your 'potentials' list. You do this by creating a positive self-image to every 'negative' you listed. Instead of "I can't succeed", write a counter belief, "I will succeed".
Ceremonially throw out the 'negatives' list - you are saying goodbye forever! Burn them, trash them, destroy them....they are no longer going to be a part of your thinking about yourself.
Now, keep your list of potentials in a prominent place. On your refrigerator door, in your daily journal, or in a picture frame on your desk. Make sure you have them in front on your every single day so that you are reading them constantly and reprogramming your daily thoughts.
Exercise Two: You Can Be What You Want to Be
Now that you have your list of potentials... run your own visualization stories so that you can 'see' yourself in a new light. For example, if your list of potential includes "I eat just the right portions", visualize yourself with a moderate portion on your plate, and feeling completely satisfied at the conclusion of your meal.
Read through your list of potentials every day taking a few moments of personal quiet time to reflect strongly on your visualizations. Try starting your day first thing in the morning and finishing as the last thing at night with visualizing yourself being the person on your list, and doing the things you want to do.
Exercise Three: Keep a Journal of Your Daily Successes
Keep a record of all the positive changes in thoughts you have about yourself. We all have triumphs and 'failures'. You must record and remind yourself of the positive changes because our human nature will replay the negatives - sometimes blowing them out of proportion. It's important to nurture and celebrate the small steps you make every day.
Exercise Four: Go Easy On Yourself - You Are Work In Progress
Don't listen to the criticism...not your own nor that of others! Remember you are the designer of your self-esteem, do not hand this over to other people. You are way too important to give this away.
Protect your role as creator of your own self-image and do not, take on board negative criticisms. We all make mistakes, and mistakes can be used to help us learn. Do not criticize yourself for being human and making a mistake. The only last mistake in the one from which we never learn to grow.
Exercise Five: Forget About The Past
The only moment you can live is the current one. You can't live in the future and you most certainly shouldn't live in the past....the challenge is to take charge of our thinking so that we think in the same time zone in which we live!
For example we may be tempted to think about yesterday's failures..."If only I hadn't eaten second helpings", "If only I didn't reach for the chocolate cookies". If we concentrate on the mistakes of yesterday this will our brains to replay our failures and reinforce them to us.
Yesterday is over, today is where you live....make sure that today you do NOT replay yesterday's failures and make your resolve to change TODAY.
Exercise Six: Resolve to Change Today
Just as you shouldn't live in the past, you can't live in the future. You can only live or change today. The oldest cliché in the world is perhaps one of the greatest truisms of all ... 'tomorrow NEVER comes!
There is no better time than now. So, no matter what excuses you may have to wait to take those healthy steps you know you should take, none of them are valid. Do it now, do it today. Resolve to make a different in your own life before you go to sleep tonight.
Exercise Seven: Write a Plan For your Life
This is your success plan. If you have not already done so it is time for you to create direction and purpose in your plans for yourself. Review your list of potentials and record next to each potential when you want to achieve this by.
Exercise Eight: Carry Affirmation Cards About Yourself
This is one of the fastest tools for your success. You are what you think. Strengthen your self-image every day by reviewing your thoughts. One of the easiest ways to do this is to carry affirmation cards in your wallet and review regularly.
Affirmation cards are short bursts of words in business card that prompt and remind your self-image of your intentions. An example might be:
*I can achieve anything that I put my mind to.
*I will be satisfied with single helpings.
Exercise Nine: Change Your Eating Habits
Now that you have set the groundwork in place, you are now ready to change your physical habits. You are ready to add a balanced nutritious diet, healthy eating habits, regular exercise and relaxation.
By using these nine exercises daily to change your thinking habits, you will be strengthening your self esteem and unlocking your internal power to make a change in your life. Before you can change lifelong eating habits, you must first change life long thinking habits. We are what we think. We can't be something other than what we believe we can be!
So, do yourself a favor, liberate your self-image and then, see how much more effective your healthy living plan becomes!
Friday, October 1, 2010
Emotional Intelligence
Harry Mills, Ph.D. & Mark Dombeck, Ph.D.
Emotional resilience requires that you work towards greater self-knowledge and self-control. It is important, for example, that you learn to identify how you react in emotional situations.
Becoming aware of how you react when stressed helps you gain better control over those reactions. A good framework to help guide you towards becoming more aware of your emotions is something called Emotional Intelligence.
The term 'Emotional Intelligence' was coined by psychologists John Mayer and Peter Salovey in 1990. It can be defined as your ability to use your emotions intelligently and appropriately in different situations, combined with your ability to use emotions to make yourself more intelligent overall.
Emotionally intelligent people are able to accurately recognize and comprehend emotion, both in themselves and in others, to appropriately express emotion, and to be able to control their own emotion so as to facilitate their own emotional, intellectual and spiritual growth.
In short, emotionally intelligent people intentionally use their thinking and behavior to guide their emotions rather than letting their emotions dictate their thinking and behavior. People who are highly emotionally intelligent tend to also be highly emotionally resilient.
In order to become more emotionally intelligent, it is necessary to develop the following five skill domains:
*Self-awareness. Self-awareness involves your ability to recognize feelings while they are happening.
*Emotional management. Emotional management involves your ability to control the feelings you express so that they remain appropriate to a given situation. Becoming skillful at emotional management requires that you cultivate skills such as maintaining perspective, being able to calm yourself down, and being able to shake off out-of-control grumpiness, anxiety, or sadness.
*Self-motivation. Self-motivation involves your ability to keep your actions goal-directed even when distracted by emotions. Self-motivation necessarily includes being able to delay gratification, and avoid acting in impulsive ways.
*Empathy. Empathy involves your ability to notice and correctly interpret the needs and wants of other people. Empathy is the characteristic that leads to altruism, which is your willingness put the needs of others ahead of your own needs.
*Relationship Management. Relationship management involves your ability to anticipate, understand, and appropriately respond to the emotions of others. It is closely related to empathy.
These various skills work together form the basis of emotionally intelligent behavior.
People come to the challenge of emotional intelligence with different strengths and weaknesses. Where some find it easy to develop self-awareness and empathy, others have a difficult time, or don't easily recognize the need.
Luckily, emotional intelligence (likewise emotional resilience) is something that can be cultivated and developed. You have the ability to learn how to better work with emotions so as to improve your mental, physical, and social health.
In order to develop the five emotional intelligence skill domains, you'll need to become skillful at the following tasks:
Noticing Emotion
By their nature, emotions are consuming. During the moment, it is very easy to simply remain embedded inside them and not quite recognize that they are occurring. In an emotionally embedded state, it is as though you are asleep, or helpless to act differently than the emotion wants you to act. You might find yourself doing things you will later regret doing while in such a state.
As self-awareness grows, you become able to notice emotion as it is occurring. Noticing emotion allows you to step back from it, and witness it as though it were happening to someone else.
Noticing emotion separates you from that emotion, and therefore provides you with the space you need to recognize that the emotion is happening, and to form judgments as to whether your actions in response to the emotion are proper.
A self-aware person is awake and responsible rather than asleep. They are conscious of what they are feeling and can use their understanding of their emotion to change how they act.
In order to notice emotion while it is happening, you must pay attention to the following:
*Your Senses. Emotions get expressed physically and are reflected in one's body and posture. Specific behaviors like clenched fists or gritted teeth are good signals that one is probably angry, for example.
·
*Your Thoughts and Beliefs. Emotions are also expressed as thoughts. It is fairly common for particular types of thoughts and beliefs to only be present when you are upset.
Your learning to notice that those emotion-linked thoughts are present in your mind becomes a clue that you are upset. For example, many people say thing to themselves like, "Things will never ever get better, ever again!", when upset, but not say this sort of thing to themselves when they are feeling okay. If you do something like this, you can learn to recognize when you are doing it, and use that knowledge to know when you are upset.
·
*Your Actions. Emotions have behavioral components. Learn to recognize the way you act while upset. Noticing that you are suddenly raising your voice or starting to speak over other people might be clues that you are upset.
·
*Your Triggers. Triggers are situations, people, places, feelings, thoughts or objects that get you to start thinking or feeling something you would not otherwise have thought or felt. Triggers can often start you down the road towards becoming upset without your conscious awareness. Identify your triggers by watching for the things that set you off, and then writing them down. Knowing what your triggers are helps you to anticipate them so that they don't catch you off guard. Generate a plan for handling each trigger so that it doesn't get the best of you.
*Your Motives. Think about how you believe people should conduct themselves in various different situations. For instance, ask yourself which is better behavior when speaking with one's spouse: calm discussion or screaming? Later, compare your own behavior against your list and see if you meet your own standards.
Learn to notice when you are not meeting your own emotional standard of conduct. Your noticing when you are not meeting your own standards of conduct can become a clue as to when you are upset.
Emotional resilience requires that you work towards greater self-knowledge and self-control. It is important, for example, that you learn to identify how you react in emotional situations.
Becoming aware of how you react when stressed helps you gain better control over those reactions. A good framework to help guide you towards becoming more aware of your emotions is something called Emotional Intelligence.
The term 'Emotional Intelligence' was coined by psychologists John Mayer and Peter Salovey in 1990. It can be defined as your ability to use your emotions intelligently and appropriately in different situations, combined with your ability to use emotions to make yourself more intelligent overall.
Emotionally intelligent people are able to accurately recognize and comprehend emotion, both in themselves and in others, to appropriately express emotion, and to be able to control their own emotion so as to facilitate their own emotional, intellectual and spiritual growth.
In short, emotionally intelligent people intentionally use their thinking and behavior to guide their emotions rather than letting their emotions dictate their thinking and behavior. People who are highly emotionally intelligent tend to also be highly emotionally resilient.
In order to become more emotionally intelligent, it is necessary to develop the following five skill domains:
*Self-awareness. Self-awareness involves your ability to recognize feelings while they are happening.
*Emotional management. Emotional management involves your ability to control the feelings you express so that they remain appropriate to a given situation. Becoming skillful at emotional management requires that you cultivate skills such as maintaining perspective, being able to calm yourself down, and being able to shake off out-of-control grumpiness, anxiety, or sadness.
*Self-motivation. Self-motivation involves your ability to keep your actions goal-directed even when distracted by emotions. Self-motivation necessarily includes being able to delay gratification, and avoid acting in impulsive ways.
*Empathy. Empathy involves your ability to notice and correctly interpret the needs and wants of other people. Empathy is the characteristic that leads to altruism, which is your willingness put the needs of others ahead of your own needs.
*Relationship Management. Relationship management involves your ability to anticipate, understand, and appropriately respond to the emotions of others. It is closely related to empathy.
These various skills work together form the basis of emotionally intelligent behavior.
People come to the challenge of emotional intelligence with different strengths and weaknesses. Where some find it easy to develop self-awareness and empathy, others have a difficult time, or don't easily recognize the need.
Luckily, emotional intelligence (likewise emotional resilience) is something that can be cultivated and developed. You have the ability to learn how to better work with emotions so as to improve your mental, physical, and social health.
In order to develop the five emotional intelligence skill domains, you'll need to become skillful at the following tasks:
Noticing Emotion
By their nature, emotions are consuming. During the moment, it is very easy to simply remain embedded inside them and not quite recognize that they are occurring. In an emotionally embedded state, it is as though you are asleep, or helpless to act differently than the emotion wants you to act. You might find yourself doing things you will later regret doing while in such a state.
As self-awareness grows, you become able to notice emotion as it is occurring. Noticing emotion allows you to step back from it, and witness it as though it were happening to someone else.
Noticing emotion separates you from that emotion, and therefore provides you with the space you need to recognize that the emotion is happening, and to form judgments as to whether your actions in response to the emotion are proper.
A self-aware person is awake and responsible rather than asleep. They are conscious of what they are feeling and can use their understanding of their emotion to change how they act.
In order to notice emotion while it is happening, you must pay attention to the following:
*Your Senses. Emotions get expressed physically and are reflected in one's body and posture. Specific behaviors like clenched fists or gritted teeth are good signals that one is probably angry, for example.
·
*Your Thoughts and Beliefs. Emotions are also expressed as thoughts. It is fairly common for particular types of thoughts and beliefs to only be present when you are upset.
Your learning to notice that those emotion-linked thoughts are present in your mind becomes a clue that you are upset. For example, many people say thing to themselves like, "Things will never ever get better, ever again!", when upset, but not say this sort of thing to themselves when they are feeling okay. If you do something like this, you can learn to recognize when you are doing it, and use that knowledge to know when you are upset.
·
*Your Actions. Emotions have behavioral components. Learn to recognize the way you act while upset. Noticing that you are suddenly raising your voice or starting to speak over other people might be clues that you are upset.
·
*Your Triggers. Triggers are situations, people, places, feelings, thoughts or objects that get you to start thinking or feeling something you would not otherwise have thought or felt. Triggers can often start you down the road towards becoming upset without your conscious awareness. Identify your triggers by watching for the things that set you off, and then writing them down. Knowing what your triggers are helps you to anticipate them so that they don't catch you off guard. Generate a plan for handling each trigger so that it doesn't get the best of you.
*Your Motives. Think about how you believe people should conduct themselves in various different situations. For instance, ask yourself which is better behavior when speaking with one's spouse: calm discussion or screaming? Later, compare your own behavior against your list and see if you meet your own standards.
Learn to notice when you are not meeting your own emotional standard of conduct. Your noticing when you are not meeting your own standards of conduct can become a clue as to when you are upset.
BLESSED IS THIS DAY
Spiritual Wellness: Not Taking Life For Granted
Normally we begin each day like we're suppose to be alive today, we take waking up for granted, and the only time we temporarily halt this automatic 'suppose to be alive thinking' is when a love one or somebody we know dies.
The loss of life forces us to deal with the saying that the ‘changes of life and death is what happens to us while we have expectations and are making other future plans’.
Most of us whether we admit it or not expect to be here everyday – we take life for granted! Yes most people take it for granted that they will always be here and it is just another day that comes automatically.
Most people are always talking about tomorrow, living for the weekend, next month, next year, living for the next vacation, living for retirement. It seems are minds are always restless on tomorrow and not fully present today; we do more planning on tomorrow than being thankful and appreciating today.
Tomorrow is important but you have to first make it through today! One writer states: “God only gives us this day, the present is all that we have. There is no guarantee that we will have a future in time because the future is a gift not a right.”
Taking today for granted is why most of us procrastinate, putting off important things that should be done today; the only time we have is now; tomorrow is a hope, not a promise! Life is lived second by second, minute by minute, hour by hour, and day by day. When it comes to life the critical thing is whether you take things for granted or take them with gratitude.
When we stop taking life for granted we’ll start living fully each day as God-conscious servants with gratitude and humility; we’ll stop focusing so much time on our styles, egos, titles, and jobs; we’ll stop wasting time with pettiness, making excuses, postponing, pretending, gossiping, and hating.
We’ll make each day count - we’ll start counting the blessing of being alive instead of just living superficially and ungratefully to count our money, count our lottery tickets, count our houses, count our cars, count our clothes, count our shoes, count our purses, count our jewelry, and count our friends on face-book, because in the end these things don’t count, you can’t take them to the grave and you won’t be judge by them!!
When we have a sense of spiritual wellness, we realize ‘Blessed is this Day’, each day of life will be a ‘Day of Thanksgiving’, thanking the Creator for another day of life; thanking Him for giving us another day to Breathe again, to Think again, to See again, to Hear again, to Smell, again, to Taste again, to Talk again, to Feel again, to Move again, to Relate again, another day to get it Right again.
Normally we begin each day like we're suppose to be alive today, we take waking up for granted, and the only time we temporarily halt this automatic 'suppose to be alive thinking' is when a love one or somebody we know dies.
The loss of life forces us to deal with the saying that the ‘changes of life and death is what happens to us while we have expectations and are making other future plans’.
Most of us whether we admit it or not expect to be here everyday – we take life for granted! Yes most people take it for granted that they will always be here and it is just another day that comes automatically.
Most people are always talking about tomorrow, living for the weekend, next month, next year, living for the next vacation, living for retirement. It seems are minds are always restless on tomorrow and not fully present today; we do more planning on tomorrow than being thankful and appreciating today.
Tomorrow is important but you have to first make it through today! One writer states: “God only gives us this day, the present is all that we have. There is no guarantee that we will have a future in time because the future is a gift not a right.”
Taking today for granted is why most of us procrastinate, putting off important things that should be done today; the only time we have is now; tomorrow is a hope, not a promise! Life is lived second by second, minute by minute, hour by hour, and day by day. When it comes to life the critical thing is whether you take things for granted or take them with gratitude.
When we stop taking life for granted we’ll start living fully each day as God-conscious servants with gratitude and humility; we’ll stop focusing so much time on our styles, egos, titles, and jobs; we’ll stop wasting time with pettiness, making excuses, postponing, pretending, gossiping, and hating.
We’ll make each day count - we’ll start counting the blessing of being alive instead of just living superficially and ungratefully to count our money, count our lottery tickets, count our houses, count our cars, count our clothes, count our shoes, count our purses, count our jewelry, and count our friends on face-book, because in the end these things don’t count, you can’t take them to the grave and you won’t be judge by them!!
When we have a sense of spiritual wellness, we realize ‘Blessed is this Day’, each day of life will be a ‘Day of Thanksgiving’, thanking the Creator for another day of life; thanking Him for giving us another day to Breathe again, to Think again, to See again, to Hear again, to Smell, again, to Taste again, to Talk again, to Feel again, to Move again, to Relate again, another day to get it Right again.
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Physical Acitivity Beneficial as we Age
According to the American College of Sports Medicine, by the year 2030 more than 70 million Americans will be 65 years of age or older, and those 85 years of age and older will be the fastest-growing age group.
Unfortunately, as more and more Americans live longer, less and less participate in the one activity that can help keep them healthy, active and productive—regular exercise.
By the time most of us reach the age of 50 or 60 we tend to accept the negative effects of aging as a fact of life that we have little or no control over.
While regular physical activity is important for people of all ages, it has been shown that the benefits of regular exercise are the most important to the people who tend to exercise the least—people over 50, and even more so, people over 60.
In fact, it's estimated that more than 90% of retirees in the United States get virtually no meaningful exercise, and that more than 50% are totally sedentary.
It is true that we can not stop the calendar from marching ahead at what seems to be a faster and faster pace, however, recent studies have shown that we can alter the rate at which our bodies progress through our life cycle.
We now have a better understanding of why some people tend to age much faster than others. There is a large body of scientific evidence that suggests that we can slow down and even reverse the symptoms of aging. In fact many of us can be in better health in our 70's than we were in our 50's.
Recent studies indicate that between the ages of 30 and 70 many of the symptoms and conditions that were traditionally associated with normal aging are in fact the result of sedentary lifestyles.
Evaluating one's strength, endurance, mobility and cardiovascular-pulmonary performance before and after a one month period of complete bed rest can be equated to 30 years of aging.
The good news is that regular exercise incorporated into our lifestyle can improve our heart and respiratory function, lower our blood pressure, increase our strength, improve bone density, improve flexibility, quicken our reaction time, reduce body fat, increase muscle mass, and reduce our susceptibility to depression & disease.
Studies have shown that regular exercise by middle aged and elderly people can set back the clock 20-40 years when compared to those who do little or no exercise. Test results show that no matter when a person starts to exercise, significant improvement can be achieved.
One of the groups tested had an average age of 90. Older people can achieve the same percentage gains in performance as the young, according to Dr. H.A. DeVries, past director of the Andrus Gerontology Center at the University of Southern California and a respected pioneer in the field.
In one study of more than 200 men & women aged 56 to 87, "dramatic changes" were observed after just 6 weeks of exercising 3 to 5 times a week. Study participants became as fit and energetic as people 20 to 30 years younger.
Dr. Everett L. Smith, director of the Bio-gerontology Laboratory at the University of Wisconsin has shown that among once sedentary women in their 50's who participated in an aerobic dance program for 6 years, fitness improved by 23% and they experienced none of the functional declines typically seen with increasing age! This group appears to have stopped the clock at an age when functional declines are usually apparent.
Dr. Smith also compared bone loss among women in their 80's. With those women that did seated exercises for 30 minutes, 3 times a week for 3 years, bone mineral actually increased by 2.29%, whereas in a similar group of inactive women, bone loss averaged 3.28%.
Various studies have shown that when our bones are taxed from exercise they grow stronger and denser and more resistant to fracture. Dr. Harris from the Center for the Study of Aging at Albany Medical College, found that when nerve cells are deprived of stimuli they atrophy, suggesting that stimulation of the central nervous system by physical activity may retard the loss of nerve cells in the brain and elsewhere.
Aerobic exercise has been shown to enhance blood flow to various parts of the brain as well as to increase the speed with which nerve messages travel through the brain.
In a study, at Purdue, among previously sedentary middle aged men who took part in a 4 month exercise & fitness program, a significant improvement was noted in the mental processes controlled by the part of the brain (left hemisphere) responsible for logical reasoning and math.
The men who exercised 3 times per week, were compared on 10 tests of mental ability to a similar group of men who remained sedentary. Another study recently published in the Annals of Internal Medicine, Older adults who exercised at least three times a week were 38 percent less likely to develop Alzheimer's disease, which causes a slow, irreversible decline in brain function. "
The decline the brain experiences late in life is not inevitable. It can be affected by things like habitual exercise," said lead study author Dr. Eric Larson of the Group Health Cooperative in Seattle. The theory is that exercise not only increases blood flow and oxygen to the brain - it may also reduce the telltale "plaque" in the brain associated with Alzheimer's disease.
Additional Benefits
Aerobic exercise helps control Type II (Late Onset) diabetes because it aids in the metabolism of sucrose. Aerobic exercise strengthens your heart, helps prevent the build up of cholesterol, improves the functioning of the liver, pancreas & most vital organs.
A recent study at the University of California that evaluated data from more than 5,000 women over the age of 65, concluded that there is scientific evidence that exercise is good for your memory. Aerobic exercise brings additional oxygen and glucose to the brain, both of which are crucial to brain function.
The body responds by forming new capillaries to bring the additional blood to nerve cells and by boosting brain chemicals that protect neurons and strengthen new neuronal connections. Exercise also promotes attention & alertness, both of which are needed to get information into your memory.
Human Growth Hormone and the lack of it is believed to contribute to the aging process. In our 50's most people stop producing HGH and the aging process accelerates as the rate of cellular reproduction, growth and repair slows.
The good news is that exercise also aids in the production of Human Growth Hormone which in turn helps us to maintain and develop our muscles, strength and stamina. Exercise is clearly the best weapon we have to combat disease, to slow down and or reverse the effects of aging.
It is no wonder that the experts in the field believe that exercise is the closest thing we have to a Fountain of Youth. Research has proven how regular exercise relates to the aging process and how it can improve your quality of life.
There are several benefits of exercise, including:
*Increased stamina and energy
*Strong bones (and lower risk of osteoporosis)
*Improved muscle tone and strength
*Increased heart and lung efficiency
*Flexible joints, tendons and ligaments, which improve agility
*Improved digestive system
*Better balance (thus helping to prevent injuries, such as falls)
*Lower blood pressure
*Improved self-esteem
*Less tension and stress
*Improved memory and alertness
In addition, regular exercise may prevent the onset of certain diseases and inhibit the effects of many chronic diseases of aging, including high blood pressure, diabetes, arthritis, and osteoporosis. Given these compelling reasons to exercise regularly, why don't more people over 50 do it?
The excuses range from feeling too old, to having a specific medical condition, to not having enough time, to feeling out of place. But the truth is that almost anyone of any age can participate in some type of physical activity, even including people with certain medical conditions.
Fortunately, beneficial results can be attained from as little as 30 minutes of exercise three to four times per week or 15-20 minutes of light physical activity (like housecleaning, gardening, slow walking) each day. Also encouraging for the 50+ crowd is that many gyms, health clubs, swim clubs, walking clubs, YMCA's and senior centers are offering more exercise programs geared toward their age group.
Get a Checkup First
"Before starting any exercise program, anyone regardless of age should have a thorough physical and get the go-ahead from his physician," says Dr. Jacques Carter, MD, MPH, of Boston's Beth Israel/Deaconess Medical Center.
Carter also notes that if you have a specific medical condition or conditions, your physician will want to make recommendations about what exercise program will be most suitable for you, set any necessary limitations on that program, and monitor your progress.
Do a Variety of Activities
Once you get the medical go-ahead, trainers and exercise physiologists suggest that you follow a three-pronged exercise program, including the following:
Aerobic Exercise
Probably the most important part of a regular exercise program, aerobic exercise is anything that causes an increase in the overall activity of your cardiovascular system (heart and lungs) for a sustained period. Over time, aerobic activity conditions your body in general, and your heart and lungs in particular, to be able to perform a greater amount of work with less effort.
Although even minimal increases in aerobic activity can be beneficial, your goal should be at least 20 (and preferably 30 or more) minutes of sustained aerobic activity three to five times per week.
Factor in the following two elements: First, find an aerobic activity you enjoy, because if you don't like it, you won't stick with it. Second, try and find an aerobic activity that is low impact (that is, it won't take a toll on your joints), such as brisk walking, biking, swimming, and low-impact aerobics classes.
Strengthening Exercises
In addition to toning your body and making all movement less strenuous and energy consuming, muscle strengthening and conditioning will help support your joints, thus preventing arthritic problems and reducing the chance of injuries caused by falls.
Muscle strengthening can be accomplished by using either weight machines or free weights. You don't need to use much weight to see results, because studies show that excellent health benefits can be achieved (even for people in their 70s and 80s) through regular regimens of even very light weight-lifting (3-10 pounds).
Muscle strengthening also has one "hidden" beneficial effect: While aerobic exercise burns calories while you exercise, weight training causes the body to burn calories 24 hours a day, even when you're at rest, because the body expends more energy to maintain muscle mass than to maintain fat mass—as much as 40 calories more per day per pound of muscle.
And, while 40 calories per day may not seem like much, it does make a difference. Suppose you do serious weight lifting and add five pounds of muscle to your body. At that point, your body would automatically burn up to an additional 200 calories per day. Over a year, this is the equivalent of 72,800 calories, which equals a weight loss of 20 pounds per year!
Flexibility (Stretching) Exercises
Stretching exercises serve a number of purposes, including maintaining full motion in your joints, keeping muscles from shortening and tightening, preventing or lessening the effects of arthritis, and preventing injuries by increasing agility and mobility.
A physical trainer or exercise physiologist can help you design a good 10- to 15-minute stretching/flexibility regimen that you can do every day, as well as before and after your aerobic and/or strengthening exercises.
Unfortunately, as more and more Americans live longer, less and less participate in the one activity that can help keep them healthy, active and productive—regular exercise.
By the time most of us reach the age of 50 or 60 we tend to accept the negative effects of aging as a fact of life that we have little or no control over.
While regular physical activity is important for people of all ages, it has been shown that the benefits of regular exercise are the most important to the people who tend to exercise the least—people over 50, and even more so, people over 60.
In fact, it's estimated that more than 90% of retirees in the United States get virtually no meaningful exercise, and that more than 50% are totally sedentary.
It is true that we can not stop the calendar from marching ahead at what seems to be a faster and faster pace, however, recent studies have shown that we can alter the rate at which our bodies progress through our life cycle.
We now have a better understanding of why some people tend to age much faster than others. There is a large body of scientific evidence that suggests that we can slow down and even reverse the symptoms of aging. In fact many of us can be in better health in our 70's than we were in our 50's.
Recent studies indicate that between the ages of 30 and 70 many of the symptoms and conditions that were traditionally associated with normal aging are in fact the result of sedentary lifestyles.
Evaluating one's strength, endurance, mobility and cardiovascular-pulmonary performance before and after a one month period of complete bed rest can be equated to 30 years of aging.
The good news is that regular exercise incorporated into our lifestyle can improve our heart and respiratory function, lower our blood pressure, increase our strength, improve bone density, improve flexibility, quicken our reaction time, reduce body fat, increase muscle mass, and reduce our susceptibility to depression & disease.
Studies have shown that regular exercise by middle aged and elderly people can set back the clock 20-40 years when compared to those who do little or no exercise. Test results show that no matter when a person starts to exercise, significant improvement can be achieved.
One of the groups tested had an average age of 90. Older people can achieve the same percentage gains in performance as the young, according to Dr. H.A. DeVries, past director of the Andrus Gerontology Center at the University of Southern California and a respected pioneer in the field.
In one study of more than 200 men & women aged 56 to 87, "dramatic changes" were observed after just 6 weeks of exercising 3 to 5 times a week. Study participants became as fit and energetic as people 20 to 30 years younger.
Dr. Everett L. Smith, director of the Bio-gerontology Laboratory at the University of Wisconsin has shown that among once sedentary women in their 50's who participated in an aerobic dance program for 6 years, fitness improved by 23% and they experienced none of the functional declines typically seen with increasing age! This group appears to have stopped the clock at an age when functional declines are usually apparent.
Dr. Smith also compared bone loss among women in their 80's. With those women that did seated exercises for 30 minutes, 3 times a week for 3 years, bone mineral actually increased by 2.29%, whereas in a similar group of inactive women, bone loss averaged 3.28%.
Various studies have shown that when our bones are taxed from exercise they grow stronger and denser and more resistant to fracture. Dr. Harris from the Center for the Study of Aging at Albany Medical College, found that when nerve cells are deprived of stimuli they atrophy, suggesting that stimulation of the central nervous system by physical activity may retard the loss of nerve cells in the brain and elsewhere.
Aerobic exercise has been shown to enhance blood flow to various parts of the brain as well as to increase the speed with which nerve messages travel through the brain.
In a study, at Purdue, among previously sedentary middle aged men who took part in a 4 month exercise & fitness program, a significant improvement was noted in the mental processes controlled by the part of the brain (left hemisphere) responsible for logical reasoning and math.
The men who exercised 3 times per week, were compared on 10 tests of mental ability to a similar group of men who remained sedentary. Another study recently published in the Annals of Internal Medicine, Older adults who exercised at least three times a week were 38 percent less likely to develop Alzheimer's disease, which causes a slow, irreversible decline in brain function. "
The decline the brain experiences late in life is not inevitable. It can be affected by things like habitual exercise," said lead study author Dr. Eric Larson of the Group Health Cooperative in Seattle. The theory is that exercise not only increases blood flow and oxygen to the brain - it may also reduce the telltale "plaque" in the brain associated with Alzheimer's disease.
Additional Benefits
Aerobic exercise helps control Type II (Late Onset) diabetes because it aids in the metabolism of sucrose. Aerobic exercise strengthens your heart, helps prevent the build up of cholesterol, improves the functioning of the liver, pancreas & most vital organs.
A recent study at the University of California that evaluated data from more than 5,000 women over the age of 65, concluded that there is scientific evidence that exercise is good for your memory. Aerobic exercise brings additional oxygen and glucose to the brain, both of which are crucial to brain function.
The body responds by forming new capillaries to bring the additional blood to nerve cells and by boosting brain chemicals that protect neurons and strengthen new neuronal connections. Exercise also promotes attention & alertness, both of which are needed to get information into your memory.
Human Growth Hormone and the lack of it is believed to contribute to the aging process. In our 50's most people stop producing HGH and the aging process accelerates as the rate of cellular reproduction, growth and repair slows.
The good news is that exercise also aids in the production of Human Growth Hormone which in turn helps us to maintain and develop our muscles, strength and stamina. Exercise is clearly the best weapon we have to combat disease, to slow down and or reverse the effects of aging.
It is no wonder that the experts in the field believe that exercise is the closest thing we have to a Fountain of Youth. Research has proven how regular exercise relates to the aging process and how it can improve your quality of life.
There are several benefits of exercise, including:
*Increased stamina and energy
*Strong bones (and lower risk of osteoporosis)
*Improved muscle tone and strength
*Increased heart and lung efficiency
*Flexible joints, tendons and ligaments, which improve agility
*Improved digestive system
*Better balance (thus helping to prevent injuries, such as falls)
*Lower blood pressure
*Improved self-esteem
*Less tension and stress
*Improved memory and alertness
In addition, regular exercise may prevent the onset of certain diseases and inhibit the effects of many chronic diseases of aging, including high blood pressure, diabetes, arthritis, and osteoporosis. Given these compelling reasons to exercise regularly, why don't more people over 50 do it?
The excuses range from feeling too old, to having a specific medical condition, to not having enough time, to feeling out of place. But the truth is that almost anyone of any age can participate in some type of physical activity, even including people with certain medical conditions.
Fortunately, beneficial results can be attained from as little as 30 minutes of exercise three to four times per week or 15-20 minutes of light physical activity (like housecleaning, gardening, slow walking) each day. Also encouraging for the 50+ crowd is that many gyms, health clubs, swim clubs, walking clubs, YMCA's and senior centers are offering more exercise programs geared toward their age group.
Get a Checkup First
"Before starting any exercise program, anyone regardless of age should have a thorough physical and get the go-ahead from his physician," says Dr. Jacques Carter, MD, MPH, of Boston's Beth Israel/Deaconess Medical Center.
Carter also notes that if you have a specific medical condition or conditions, your physician will want to make recommendations about what exercise program will be most suitable for you, set any necessary limitations on that program, and monitor your progress.
Do a Variety of Activities
Once you get the medical go-ahead, trainers and exercise physiologists suggest that you follow a three-pronged exercise program, including the following:
Aerobic Exercise
Probably the most important part of a regular exercise program, aerobic exercise is anything that causes an increase in the overall activity of your cardiovascular system (heart and lungs) for a sustained period. Over time, aerobic activity conditions your body in general, and your heart and lungs in particular, to be able to perform a greater amount of work with less effort.
Although even minimal increases in aerobic activity can be beneficial, your goal should be at least 20 (and preferably 30 or more) minutes of sustained aerobic activity three to five times per week.
Factor in the following two elements: First, find an aerobic activity you enjoy, because if you don't like it, you won't stick with it. Second, try and find an aerobic activity that is low impact (that is, it won't take a toll on your joints), such as brisk walking, biking, swimming, and low-impact aerobics classes.
Strengthening Exercises
In addition to toning your body and making all movement less strenuous and energy consuming, muscle strengthening and conditioning will help support your joints, thus preventing arthritic problems and reducing the chance of injuries caused by falls.
Muscle strengthening can be accomplished by using either weight machines or free weights. You don't need to use much weight to see results, because studies show that excellent health benefits can be achieved (even for people in their 70s and 80s) through regular regimens of even very light weight-lifting (3-10 pounds).
Muscle strengthening also has one "hidden" beneficial effect: While aerobic exercise burns calories while you exercise, weight training causes the body to burn calories 24 hours a day, even when you're at rest, because the body expends more energy to maintain muscle mass than to maintain fat mass—as much as 40 calories more per day per pound of muscle.
And, while 40 calories per day may not seem like much, it does make a difference. Suppose you do serious weight lifting and add five pounds of muscle to your body. At that point, your body would automatically burn up to an additional 200 calories per day. Over a year, this is the equivalent of 72,800 calories, which equals a weight loss of 20 pounds per year!
Flexibility (Stretching) Exercises
Stretching exercises serve a number of purposes, including maintaining full motion in your joints, keeping muscles from shortening and tightening, preventing or lessening the effects of arthritis, and preventing injuries by increasing agility and mobility.
A physical trainer or exercise physiologist can help you design a good 10- to 15-minute stretching/flexibility regimen that you can do every day, as well as before and after your aerobic and/or strengthening exercises.
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